People say that people from Schleswig-Holstein (my state) are the least talkative too. Great, I have an excuse for having no friends.

In August, it would make a whole 22 years of living in Germany. After completing my BA in Mumbai and being young, passionate about discovering the world and ready for life’s challenges, I decided to pursue my master’s degree in Economics in Germany. Since Stuttgart was and I think still is a partner city of Mumbai, I applied at the Universität of Hohenheim through the DAAD, a German exchange program for international students. The only missing criteria to qualify was attaining a certain level of German language skills. So, I decided to learn German in Germany rather in Mumbai only because it would be more efficient to learn German in the country of its origin and it would give me the time to acquaint myself socially with the German way of life before I would begin with my studies at the Uni. Hence, after an 8-month intensive language course in Stuttgart, I applied at the Uni and after 4 written entrance tests and one oral interview with a German professor, I got into the University the very next year. At the German course, I interacted with my teacher and all the expat students. It was lovely. I was so excited back then: to be independent, to discover a whole new culture, world, people, cuisine etc. etc. At the Uni, I later learned that I was the only foreigner (except for one Bulgarian and a Polish girl). Everyday, I would change rows to sit and acquaint myself with different students, eat at the mensa (being mainly a vegetarian, it was tough back then was vegetarianism was not included in German diets. But I still went there to get to meet people. I would go to all those Uni parties and would not have a soul talk to me even though I tried to get involved in their conversations). It was tough. I tired joining small learning groups, but there too would not be included. Hence, I spent two years of Uni life alone (just with the girl from Bulgaria and Poland), studied a lot and had two jobs a time and three during my vacation to finance my stay. It was tough. After completing my studies in two years (and I learnt that I was one of the few who completed my master’s degree in two years), I joined Siemens in Munich for a one-year internship. Again, excited thinking that probably Munich is different. However, at Siemens once again it was just Expats from Spanish speaking countries that connected with me immediately. I tried so hard to break the ice with Germans: organize house parties, ask them if they would like to join me for a movie on the weekends but could not get an inch further with them. I later learnt that Germans clearly love their cellar or settling their winter and summer clothes or doing up their garden or doing some outdoor sports activities on the weekend. Hence, my Monday mornings at work would be lying to them that I sorted my clothes on the weekend in order to get into a conversation with them. I then started getting involved in those outdoor activities which I personally despised. But anything to break the ice with the Germans. I had plenty of expats as friends, but I wanted to be included in the German society. After a year, I left Siemens and most of my expat friends from Siemens left Munich for London. I got a position at an international asset management company in the Marketing Comms department in its Munich hub. Since the company had its headquarters in Dublin, I was hired by Irish colleagues. Again, with lots of hope and excitement for a fresh start, I joined the company at the Munich office. I learnt that all my colleagues at the Munich office were Germans and mostly from Bavaria. So, I changed my dress attire: instead of knee-high skirts, I wore pants, those boring shirts, bought myself a pair of black glasses to look serious. I started adding Bavarian vocabulary to my German, joined in those weißwurst breakfast (tried swallowing them and showed that I appreciated the breakfast culture, even though as an Indian I was mainly a vegetarian), join them at the Oktoberfest (even though I do not drink beer but showed them that I appreciate their culture). Still did not get included. In fact, I face a lot of, what one would today label as discrimination, derogatory statements publicly from my bosses. Once a German subordinate at a meeting with him alone referred to me as a “Negerkuss” and explained how as a child he loved smashing them as it reminded him of the“N” people. I could not report such actions or statements to the HR department back then because firstly they were all Germans and secondly, I feared that they would not believe me. Hence, I strategically opted for international projects and worked with colleagues from Dublin and Boston which made my life easier for a while. I worked hard and harder and focused completely on my career not because I was only ambitious but personally, I feel it was because I wanted to be recognized and accepted by my German colleagues. In the meanwhile, I later met my lovely person who I married three years later. My husband a German Afghan. Among the German men that I would socialize with, I was seen more as an exotic person and less as the person I am. Privately, thing were looking good. But at work with my hard work, I faced a backlash. Instead of being recognized by my achievements and accepted, my German colleagues did not like it that I got all that recognition on an international level. Hence, they went about me differently: they did not invite me at meetings, they stopped talking to me, my German boss did not assign me to any international projects and did not even give me local marketing projects. In fact, I was asked in these exact words “hast Du kein schlechtes Gewissen, dass Leute wie Du unser Jobs wegnimmst?”. I was outcasted till it effected my health. I landed at the hospital twice: once with a severe stomachache and the second time with a severe case of shingles. This is when I decided to resign. After 12 years. I resigned and later started my own e-commerce social enterprise. It has been almost 22 years in Germany: the initial years learning the language, studying at the Uni, then a year at Siemans as an intern, a year at the Pinakothek der Moderne, 12 years at Pioneer Investments (called Amundi Investments today). I am happily married with two lovely children and run my own business. In between, I did try to join the work force since I really miss working at corporates at times, but never got in again in Germany. In total, I applied for 108 jobs. Yes, 108. And the apartment that we live in Munich was an apartment that we got in 2015 after being refused around 87 times. German friends in Bavaria: I have none. I am still seen as an exotic person. And by the way after 2015, even those few close friends of my husband who he met in Munich, deserted us. They do not contact us anymore. There was a time, they were in our apartment almost once a week for dinner or parties that we threw. But after 2015, things got a whole lot worse in Germany. My German Afghan husband who has been living here since the age of 5, was suddenly seen as a foreigner, a Muslim and less of a German. How many times, I have contemplated to take my kids and resettle in India or settle in cities that open and diverse like London. But since both my husband and I have built our lives out here. We are both high-income earners and successful in our careers and our children see themselves as Germans. But of late since its going to be 22 years in Germany, I do question a lot. I have realized one thing: being successful is not a boon in Germany. Germans do not like it and especially if you are a foreigner. This is my story. Pretty long. But I had to pour my heart out. Young people who are planning to study or start their lives in Germany due to personal reasons either because their partner is German or because they have got a job transfer, should really really think twice and opt for places in Europe or even in Germany (probably Berlin or perhaps Hamburg) where diversity is accepted.