Does this sound familiar? In university, making friends probably felt easy. Just go, sign up for a few events, and boom - you have a crew. People were curious, everyone was new, and the environment made it easy to connect. But as an adult? In a new country? Even if you have a lovely flat and a job sorted, building a social circle can feel impossible. You want to make friends, but somehow it’s still just you and your WhatsApp group chat from back home.
The good news is you’re not alone. With a bit of intention and a dash of awkwardness, it is possible to find your people - even in a country known for its reserved social culture. I know, because I’ve done it.
Think back to when you were a kid. Who were your closest friends? Chances are, they weren’t people you carefully selected. They were just… there. Maybe they sat next to you in class, or were on the same sports team, but you didn’t consciously go out and meet them. It happened naturally because you saw them, in the same places, over and over.
Psychologists call this the mere exposure effect. The more often we see someone, the more we tend to like them. It’s why childhood friendships form so effortlessly. As adults, our built-in social structures disappear. There’s no class or after-school sport putting us in the same space as potential friends. Instead, we have jobs and routines, but no natural rhythm that leads to meeting new people.
If friendships are built on frequency and familiarity, then the trick is to create that rhythm yourself. Find ways to see the same people on a regular basis.
When I moved to Augsburg, basketball helped me make friends. I’d hit the same court a couple times a week, play with whoever showed up and swap numbers afterward. Before long, I was texting a group of regulars to play each week, many of whom became friends beyond the game.
The key was consistency. I didn’t need to make the perfect friend immediately, and I didn’t necessarily get along with everyone. But I kept showing up, and eventually, the people I naturally connected with showed up when I texted.
Here are some great things to try yourself:
Starting from zero can feel overwhelming. But here’s the good news: you don’t have to build an entire social circle from scratch. You just need to find one person.
One friend leads to invitations, parties and new introductions. And suddenly you’re not forcing conversations with strangers, you’re getting pulled into circles that already exist.
When you’re new, every invite is a chance to connect. Maybe you don’t love beer, but someone invites you to a brewery. Or you’ve never liked trivia, but get asked to join a team. Your instinct might be to say no and wait for something more you. But if you’ve just met someone, saying no can quietly shut the door on a future friendship.
Saying yes doesn’t mean pretending to love things you don’t. It’s about getting your foot in the door. Once you’ve made some connections, you can suggest activities that both parties are more interested in.
Sometimes, you can’t wait for someone else to make the first move. When I was new to Augsburg, I posted on Reddit: “Hey, I just moved here. Anyone want to grab a beer? I heard about this pub…” It felt weird, but quite a few people replied. Not every connection lasted, but two of my longest-running friendships started because of that post.
This is where a lot of us get stuck. We wait for someone else to take the lead while they wait for the same. It feels vulnerable to reach out, but you’d be surprised how many people - expats and Germans alike - hope someone will.
Virtually every major city has a subreddit of its own. Just Google Reddit + city and you’ll find it. Bumble has a feature for people who just want to make friends, and Meetup.com is active in most cities as well.
So be the one who texts first. Suggest a plan. You’re not just helping yourself; you’re creating space for others to make a friend as well.