German insults: The funniest ways to insult people in German

It’s a truth universally acknowledged that the best part of learning any language is the “naughty stuff”. It’s only natural that people who learn German immediately want to dive into the swear words and insults - and, with its penchant for compound nouns, boy oh boy does the German language deliver, with a whole cornucopia of colourful and inventive words. 

Since most German curses are far too rude to be written down here, we’ve focused on the funny to bring you this list of the most hilarious German insults we’ve ever heard. 

Insults in German

The German word for insult is “Beleidigung”. To insult someone is to “beleidigen” them, as in “Er hat mich beleidigt.” 

Of course, we don’t recommend that you start insulting everyone you meet in German. Even though the words on this list are not the most vulgar terms out there, they could still offend if not used in the correct context with the right person. You have been warned! 

Funny German insults

Okay, disclaimer out the way. Ready to start insulting your friends, neighbours, acquaintances and even random passersby? Here’s our selection of the best funny German insults. 

German insults for people who aren’t too bright

If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of the lash of a sharp German tongue, you’ll know that they are not a nation that takes kindly to idiots. No wonder they’ve got a whole arsenal of insults to use for people who are a few sandwiches short of a picnic. 

Arschgeige

If somebody just can’t do anything right, the German might call them an “Arschgeige” (literally, a butt violin). If it doesn’t make sense, think about having a violin for a butt, or trying to play a violin with your butt. There you go. 

Evolutionsbremse

This mini-tongue twister is a wonderful word to describe someone who is so stupid their very existence on earth holds up the advancement of humankind - an “evolutionary brake”. 

Honk

Nobody’s quite sure where this word comes from, but one suggestion is that it’s an acronym for “Hirn ohne nennenswerte Kapazitӓt”, meaning a brain without noteworthy capacities. Whatever its origins, “Honk” is a great word for a total Dummkopf. 

Teletubbyzurückwinker

This has to be our favourite. Somebody who “waves back at the Teletubbies” - unless they’re a little child - is probably not the brightest button in the box. 

Insults for people are too uptight

Germans have a reputation for being (ahem) a little uptight. It’s therefore unsurprising that they’ve got some great words to describe people who have, as we would say in English, a stick up their butts. 

Erbsenzähler

We all know a nitpicker who obsesses over the tiny details or complains about trivial matters. In German, we would say they are a “pea counter”. 

Jeansbügler

We hope that you don’t know anybody who actually irons their jeans. Just imagine how stiff they’d be. A “jeans-ironer” is what the Germans would call an uptight person. A “sock-folder” (Sockenfalter) is a great word to express the same sentiment. 

Spaßbremse

Hopefully, this never gets directed at you. “Fun brake” is a very car-orientated way of saying somebody is a total killjoy. 

Tee-trinker

A tea drinker is, as the name suggests, somebody who drinks tea while everyone around them is drinking beer. It’s not intended as a compliment… 

Insults in German for people who need to grow up

Germany doesn’t tolerate softness! Here are some choice insults to use on someone who needs to pull their finger out. 

Sockenschlӓfer

There are a lot of German insults revolving around socks. Saying someone is a “sock-sleeper” is like saying they are a “socks-and-sandals-wearer” (Socken-im-Sandalen-Trӓger). It means they’re a bit of a wimp.

Warmduscher

We haven’t actually met anyone in Germany who routinely takes cold showers - but supposedly it’s what all the super macho people do because a “warm-showerer” is a cowardly person. 

Weichei

Do you know someone who takes warm showers all the time? Ha! What a “soft egg”. In German, a “Weichei” is a wimp. 

Insults for people who talk too much

The Germans are, famously, quite direct. If somebody has trouble getting to the point, you might describe them with one of these words:

Heisseluftgeblӓse

A “hot air gun” is somebody who waffles when they talk. All. The. Time. 

Blockflӧtengesicht

Ever played a recorder? It has seven holes and blows a load of hot air - just like a “recorder face”, which has two eyes, two ears, two nostrils, and a mouth that emits a lot of meaningless chatter. They’re as annoying as a recorder too. 

Labertasche

This one just rolls off the tongue. Calling someone a “babble bag” should indicate that you want them to put a sock in it. 

German slang insults that we have no words for

To round it off, here are some weird and wonderful German slang insults that we simply couldn’t categorise:

Lustmolch

We wouldn’t think of newts as being particularly lusty creatures - but apparently, they are in Germany, because a “pleasure newt” is a colourful way of describing somebody who’s a bit of a sex fiend. 

Spargeltarzan

This is Germany, they had to get an asparagus insult in there somewhere. If this conjures up images of a loincloth-clad asparagus spear swinging through the rainforest canopy (or is that just us?), it’s a bit misleading. It just describes someone who is thin and gangly.

Rotzlöffel

Another great way of expressing disdain, a “snot spoon” is a total brat. This insult can be directed at cheeky children and whining adults alike. It’s a real crowd-pleaser. 

Kotzbrocken

And, sometimes, there's nothing quite like calling somebody a “lump of puke” to let them know how you feel about them. 

Get your German insults on

While we don’t necessarily recommend that you add these terms to your everyday vocabulary, they may come in useful - even if just to help you understand when you’re on the receiving end of a brutal German insult! Good luck out there!